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Thursday, January 27, 2011

Insurance, Brews, ROCK CHALK, Waitress, Ricky, "Snatch"----story of my week.

Yo-Yo-Yo-YO.... what IS good my familia??? I've been gone for a few days, and I'm sadly going to skip "Hump Day" story this week. I have a few things I'd like to discuss with you kids, and it will take up the majority of this blog today, therefore no story. Sorry. Well, as the majority of you know I was in my KAIA insurance conference this week, it lasted from the 25th-27th (we left early, obviously). To fully understand this conference a few things are needed in order to have a grasp of the situations and conversations that take place during these three days. They are as follows:

1.  Either been to a convention or conference of some sort, or know what goes on at these places (vendors, CEO of companies, corporate representatives, district managers, people from all over the US)
2. Understanding the age differences. I along with 3 other dudes, were the only ones in our twenties. I was the youngest by at least 3 years.
3. 400+ agents. 30+ companies/vendors.
4. Free alcohol and beverages. Two free meals a day.
5. Hotel bar.
6. three FULL days of classes. (in order to maintain a license, we have to keep up with continuing education hours ever biennium)
7. Billy is a 'legend' there. hulp.
8. A lot of hicks, rich old people, and married women
9. Free items, and pointless things NO ONE needs in their office.
10. oh, and if I didn't mention.........a lot of FREE alcohol. Anything you can think of.

Alright, there is the list. Here is what happened, to see all the people and understand the experiences is nearly impossible, it's like explaining sex to a child; you have to experience it to fully understand what it is about. I'm a huge exaggerator and I tend to make things a "bigger deal" then they truly are.
Tuesday morning, I of course wake up late, when we finally get there, there is a HUGE line all the way out door. As we wait in line I take a good look at all the people that are waiting in line as well, all the characters that I would be spending hours upon hours with for the next few days. Yay. As we wait in line, the 'yells' start occurring. "BILLY!!" is all we hear from all angles. Giving each other, what I call, "old man high-fives."
What these are exactly are a very awkward hand-shake, but more or less hand grab. Elderly men do these non verbal gestures to the side, with each of their arms at a 70-90 degree angle. It's weird, and when they are in mid-grip the tend to shake each others hand aggressively and fast. I hope I never do a "old man high-five", to my friends reading this...let's stay away from it, thanks.

I will skip all of the bullshit that no one cares about. Like all of the people I met, saw, heard about, and listened to. The only man I will speak of was the elderly man I sat next to during my "The Joy of Annuities and Whole-Life Insurance" (literally, the shittiest and most boring class on earth). This old man was explaining to me how he has been selling insurance for 55 years!!!! Can you imagine doing a job for that long?? He was explaining to me all of the situations he has seen, the market jump around so drastically, and the era of 'mobile phones' (thats what he calls them). He was a avid hater of cell phones, he thought they're terrible ''pieces of machinery''. Sure this old dude was obviously past his prime, but he had kind soul. He knew the business better than anyone in that room, especially the speaker. Sitting next to this guy made me realize how important my job is, not the fact that I can make good money, but the fact that we are here to help people/families have less stress, and heartache after the loss of a loved one. He truly explained the importance of insurance and how to keep personal contact is THE most important thing. He also explained to me that people are leaning/relying on technology too much, and are loosing that personal connection that is soooo important, which in return we will loose that trust, and with that comes loosing business. He said the Geico's of the world are going to slowly become the end to independent agents like us, unless we continued to use personal connection and communication with our business techniques. So he said, this old mans name was: Tony. Tony did not tell me his last name until we were done with the class, and we went our separate ways. He handed me his card, and told me if I need anything, to call him. He laughed and said "if your dad fires you, I'm sure an old bastard like me could find work for you." A individual like that can truly make your day better, and all he did was start my day off right. This was my last class, thanks god.

Now I mentioned earlier I had a few younger guys in my class, so of course instantly after Tony and I parted way, Austin (the dude that was 28) and I head to the bar. Where we are slowly detoured by a few other guys, doing the same thing. They explain to us that we do not need to purchase alcohol, but that we needed to  just head towards the area with all the vendors and companies, free drinks of our liking. Game time, drunk time. Austin and I make an attempt to go to at least 10 different vendors, to get 10 different drinks. We succeeded, and ate a lot of 'finger foods' during this quest.

I finally find "Billy". He was doing "old man fives" with some pot bellied fellas and drinking, of course, scotch and water. Lovin it. What a goober. So Billy grabs me, and explains how him and I were invited to dinner with some CEO's of a company. Which is a big deal to me, but apparently it was a big deal to my Dad too. They pay, we drink three bottles of wine. Drunk, just in time to watch the Hawks win in Boulder, CO. ROCK CHALK, good game boys.

I get back to the hotel, and my buddy Austin is hammered at the hotel bar. I proceed to hang out with him, and drink seven and sevens all night long. Jamie shots to the dome, like we were never gonna drink again. TO make a long ass story a little shorter, we start to party with this 60 year old insurance guy. Gold rings on probably 7 of his ten fingers, big belly, chest hair sticking out, cowboy hat, snake skin boots, white hair, dip in, loud as hell, and RICH. This cat is buying about 8 of us ALL of our drinks, and we drank a lot. Well we have this not so pretty waitress, who "Ricky" (the rich old man) was actively sexually harassing. Well they all have rooms in this hotel, but Billy and I were staying about 3 miles down the road. So I'm trying to sort ways out to get back to my room, its 1:30 am, I have to find a way home. Well Ricky comes up with a brilliant idea....... He tells me to hit on Kelly(our waitress) and get her to take me home. Within that idea he told me he would give me $50 if I slept with her. I shit you not, this guy was ridiculous. I ask him why he wants me to hook up with this hideous chick, and he says "someone always gets snatch at this convention, why not?". . . . . . snatch, he said "snatch". What a character, so of course, what do I do? I take the bet (it's a win-win, I didnt owe him anything if I didn't sleep with her). So Ricky sets it all up, I introduce myself, I get her number. Well she gets off work "early" and we sit and talk for a while. She is a super cool chick, and really sweet. She explains to me how she has a boyfriend and has two kids. Well, this is actually a relief to me, so I explain to her what was going on, except that it was a dare. I just tell her that these guys had a bet on whether or not I would get "laid"(complete lie, obviously). At this point, I'm very lucky she is a cool person. She mays along, and take me back to the hotel. I wake up for the conference the next day, to lie about my evening with Kelly, and get my $50 from Ricky, and the rich douche was not in sight. I could not find him anywhere.
Moral of this convention is, drink every free drink that is put in front of you. Talk to everyone you meet, make fun of those who are deserving to be made fun of. And last, but not least never trust a dude by the name of "Ricky" and who uses the word "snatch".

Oh, Kelly (the waitress) texted me today....she said she wants to see me again. No bueno. FML.

**Thoughts and prayers go out to Shannon, I'm glad the results were not what we all dreaded they would be, things are looking up for her ;)**

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