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Monday, February 28, 2011

SHUTUP...I'm posting, smashTRICK(aka me) is back.....

Alright here is what it is hulps, I actually have been busy at work lately, I know it sounds super strange and out-of-character of me, but it is what it is. So I will try to make up for it with this ridiculous story I'm about to tell, since last Wed, a lot has unfolded in my life. And naturally, with me, by "a lot" I just mean spending more time/money on meaningless dates with girls that I give 'names' too, in order to keep their identity a bit hidden. Basically, just me making situations out of nothing, for better or for worse. Once again, I am probably the most awesome person any of you have ever met, lets get that shit straight. Alright, if you all remember back to a few key characters in my life, I'll reference them prior to explain each day. 
"Insurance"-she just dropped the bomb on me last week about her all the sudden move/career path taking her to Denver (My colorado friends, I may have some SMASHterial when I come visit ;))
"A"- Long time friend, hockey game "date", hang out with the same "group" every weekend.
"EZ"- Hispanic girl I see out, everytime I go out...shes cute, but she is all about going on dates (which apparently so do I)

Now that I reminded you jerks of how much I suck with life and women, let me start the story---------
Wednesday-  Tonight is the night I decided I would take "insurance" on a date, I've been beating around the bush and trying to avoid this day because she ditched me twice before, and I was playing "hard to get" I suppose, F'n hulp. Well, after I decide on a date with her she tells me she is moving. And I don't care how much of an asshole this sounds like, but its truthfully a waste of time to take someone on a date, who you have never really hung out with before, just met once, and have been lead on by. Sooooo of course, I'm assuming she is thinking the same thing. But this is where you have to realize the thought process of a male vs. female. Naturally as a dude, I'm going to be thinking about sex, not necessarily right away but that is what I'd like the "end result" to be. Well, I'm not a pushy dude, I may talk like I'm a huge womanizer and big pimpin, but how often have you ever seen me write about 'hooking up' with a girl...............................not since the bloggin days begun. Yea, current drought-- 5 months (TMI?? Oh well, suck it). I'm actually a super nice guy, to my own fault. It hinders me from getting women, and getting laid. So I'm trying to approach this whole dating life with a more 'bad-ass' attitude, but it's hard to change my personality when it comes to women, when it worked so well, for so long. "insurance" and I have dinner, get sort of drunk at "On The Border" we go back to her house to watch a movie. We do the typical cuddling session. But this is where I start to get super annoyed and I can tell I'm glad she is leaving Wichita, because I know we wouldn't work out.....................reason being:

  1.  She's a bit awkward, she has a weird thing about NEVER looking at me in the eyes, even when we have a conversation, its frustrating and I don't know how to handle it. 
  2. She has a dog. No I don't have a problem with dogs/animals, but I have a problem with people who do discipline their pets, who let their dogs hump complete strangers, and laugh and say "OMG, he's never humped anyone before" *in squeaky 'dumb blonde' girl voice* and not do anything about it.
      example: Mid-cuddle session, the dog....jumps on top of us, and just lays on me, near my face. How   am I suppose to react to this? I can't get made or make the dog move, it's not MY animal, she thinks its cute....and she loves it. I hate it. I hate the dog. No chance I'm getting laid.
  3. She's tall. I'm not short, but I'd say I'm average. I can look past the fact she is like 5'9", until when I was leaving I went in for a kiss, and I felt like I was kissing a dude. So, I definitely kept my eyes open to reassure myself that I was not kissing a dude.
I'm sure I sound like a complete pig/asshole to all of you women readers out there. Well I'm not... I could have continued to make out with her, kick her dog, and have sex with her. She wanted me to stay, but I didn't. I felt like I would have been starting something, that I would not have been able to finish. I felt it was only fair of me to not continue to hang out with her for the next four days prior to her departure from Wichita. 

I explained all of that to her, I think it made her pretty upset though. :-/

Friday- Yup, I LOVE drinking every weekend.... for no reason other than to just go out and and spend money. Well, Webby got his new job and him and I thought it would be awesome if we both went to 'happy hour' downtown, so around 6 o clock when I get home from work we head downtown and go to Pump House. It's packed, and we have two beers a piece and two jager bombs a piece. They were on sale, don't judge. We head home, get ready, and wait on Jay to get there so we can go out and about in good ol Wichita. Adie and "A" both come out with us as well. To make another typical Downtown night in Wichita, a lot shorter, we all four ended up coming back to my house. But it gets a lot better from there...... I have a buddy from college who came down to Wichita, randomly, to party with us. So after the bars close it is-- Me, "A", Adie, Webby, Rudster, Jay, and my buddy Calvin are all back at my apartment. Jay and Webby and super excited about using MY mac n cheese, to make some food for all of us. I'm totally okay with that, not a big deal...Well, Webby decides to try to make the Mac n' Cheese while Jay wasn't around. FAIL--> He attempted to put the butter, cheese, milk....ALL In before the water was boiled and the noodles were soften. Being that it was so late, and we were wall super hungry this sucked. He used three boxes up Mac n Cheese for this failed attempt. Now, for those of you who know Jay, he flipped out....went irate, and continued to tell Webby he was dumb hahahaha it was super funny, yet I felt bad for Webby, he just stood there in silence and had nothing to say back. Well, Jay ended up feeling super bad and apologized to him for being a "dick". Regardless, I laughed so hard. Jay refused to throw the mac n cheese away in the garbage disposal and/or the trash can. Instead, he insisted that the mac n cheese be thrown off the balcony and onto the ground, because thats what it "deserved". Good times.
The enemies, sharing a bowl of Mac N' Cheese, after an intense cooking episode.
OH and they used about 6 boxes of my Mac n' Cheese lol...

Jay in a few years?? haha

B-Rungs Machete he left at the apartment, I carried it around all night. Thanks bro ;)

If you recall an older memory about "A" and I, we both slept in a bed together, and yet I did nothing. Well, I was feeling a bit more courageous this weekend. To make my hulp ass weekend a lot shorter, I ended up making out with her. YAY, I'm sure all of you are thinking that. Until I hear this mid-makeout---
A- "I can't do this anymore"
Me- "What?! why??"
A-"Because Dre likes you.............."

      The words I have been dreading to hear from her, this entire time. But luckily SMASHtrick was on full swagged on tilt that night. Basically, I watered the situation down, and explained to her how I have ZERO feelings for Dre and how I never will. So I explained further how I liked her, and all this stuff. And back to the makeout session, which letter turned into some cuddling....................from HER, not me. Surprisingly enough ;)

Yea, this weekend sounds peachy.....but now all I can think of is- DID I BACK MYSELF INTO A CORNER??

Guess we'll find out soon....

"C" called me today, and wants to get dinner...........................I made plans with "Ez" on Saturday, but I don't really want to do anything with her.........sooo we'll see...

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