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Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Hump day---Story Time

Okay... I'm going to start dedicating days of the week fro specific "topics". Obviously, due to the title, all Wednesdays will be solely aimed towards a ridiculously TRUTHFUL (Nick ;)) stories that I have experienced throughout my 24 years of existence. There will be no specific order, nor reasoning for my stories. No method for my madness =). Suck it hulps!
First trip to Manhattan
Alright, this story is probably one that most of you have no idea about.  Well, there is a perfectly good reason as to why you have no F'n clue about it.... it's super embarrassing and I vaguely remember it (go figure, me becoming to drunk and blacking out). Soooo me and all of the frat bro (Sigma Pi) decided we would take a random Saturday road trip to Manhattan, KS...... I was only 19 years old, and I thought it would be a great time... I drive... we take off on our road trip to Manhattan.. I drive, of course everyone is partying... Our plans are to stay with four girls who live like two blocks away from Aggieville, one of which was friends with a brother in my fraternity....(he says that these girls are all hot). Keep in mind I'm not 21.... well we get there mid afternoon...and binge drink. hard. Because thats what we did, we were 'frat boys'...yea I thought I'd just help reinforce all you readers stereotypes of us scholarly men...suck it
OH, B has hair... and I do not have a double chin...FML
       Well I randomly drunk text B(my brother), and explain to him how I am currently partying in Manhattan....ironically enough----B is in the same down, just a few short blocks down the street...... Well he convinces me to walk down there (alone) and use his ID to get into the bar *he was going to hand it through a outdoor fence*.... Well he hands it to me, and I walk to the front of the building and hand the door guy the ID.... well little to my knowledge the door guy had changed since B had entered the bar, this doucher actually knew B, therefore laughed at me and said "sorry, I can't let you in"...............BUT gives me the ID back... so I go back to the other side of the bar, use the ID on the other doorman, and that 'tard let me in! Suck in Manhattan--------------------WELL< the night progresses and I drink heavily with my cousin and older brother... where we eventually return back to the house party I had originally been at......the above picture is of B and I after we get to the house....Eventually my cousin and B leave, and go their separate ways....
                                   The Situation 
Shit. gets. crazy. Oh, I don't think I told you.... my fraternity brother.. lied about these girls....he had his own 'agenda' and that was the ONE hot girl who he was after, and the other three were swamp turkeys!
Definition of: SWAMP TURKEY (according to urban dictionary): 
another name for a hoodrat or dungeon monkey.......or a women that lays around the neighborhood waiting for sex and is usually on crack.....
                                            example: yo mama is a swamp turkey.....even I hit it
Back to the shit I was spitting about (aka story). Long ass story short..... I pass out in the recliner downstairs during the party..... The last vivid thing I remember was this larger than average swamp turkey, grabbing my hand....pulling me from my drunken sleep, out of the recliner...and walking upstairs.... Of course my "bros" are encouraging every second of it.... and continue, to this day, say they had no intentions of what actually happened to me that night.
                                  The Wake-Up from Hell
Head throbbing, wanting to puke, sooo thirsty and sooo hungry, nothing on my mind but misery and pain.....(aka a shitty hangover). The single thought of alcohol, alone, made me want to vomit.....until................I open my eyes, and hear---- "Hey, good morning.................would you like some water?" I wish could give a voice example of how deep this swamp turkeys voice sounded, it was like Vin Diesel after smoking 15 packs of cigarettes, or just Toms voice after a binge drinking weekend... My back was luckily turned to her/him.. and I had no idea what is was I was about to look at... well I say: "No thanks!" (obviously because chivalry is NOT dead with me ;) lol) She/he leaves the room.... I roll over..... during this 'roll over' I notice I am ONLY in my boxer briefs....I continue to stumble/crawl out of bed and its like a train on the disaster list is a empty condom wrapper..............................................yea.... I have no idea what happened.... She comes back in the room... and I get a glance at her as I'm getting dressed.....she understands the awkwardness of "raping" she doesn't say a word...just walks back down the hall, and into the bathroom.....meanwhile, I'm trying soooooooooooooo hard not to puke all over the place because of all the thoughts going through my mind of what did/could have happened.... I scramble to get dressed, run down the stairs...and about 10 guys(fraternity brothers) are sitting there laughing at me, hysterically..... it was like in a movie... I look around for the closest bathroom, none to be found, well to my right is the front door.--> perfect. I swing open the door and begin to puke for a solid 2-5 this day... I have no idea what happened.... all I know, is that chick added me on facebook that same I musta been good, IF it happened, right? lol

have a great Hump day...hope this helped pass time!

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